Reasons I'm losing weight

1. to avoid health problems that I could've prevented
2. less snoring
3. I can wear whatever I want and look decent
4. to avoid humiliation when I can't do things because of my size
5. stamina for fun active stuff like dancing and hiking
6. making healthy choices makes me feel good about myself
7. to make my loved ones proud of me
8. to be attractive to my boyfriend
9. because unchecked, I gain and gain and gain
10. better sex - stamina, confidence in how I look, flexibility
11. more confidence in social situations
12. to feel more comfortable in hot weather
13. to not feel as self-conscious in skimpy clothes
14. it feels good to feel in-control
15. so I won't hate the way I physically feel in my body
16. so I won't be judged unfairly
17. better job opportunities
18. it sucks to keep buying clothes in bigger and bigger sizes
19. to not have to constantly tug at my shirt to make sure my stomach is covered
20. so I can enjoy feeling my boyfriend's hands on my waist

commitments and whys

My commitments:
-I will stay at or under my calorie goal and track calories for everything I eat on MyFitnessPal, Monday - Friday.
-I will eat like a normal person on Saturday and Sunday: not tracking, eating sensibly when I can and splurging on worth-it stuff, but not stuffing my face. 
-I will get 8,000 steps M-F, including a 30-minute "walk" during my lunch break.
-I will be kind to myself when I slip up and not stress about doing things perfectly or losing weight quickly.
-I will only weigh myself once every 4 weeks.

My main whys:
1. So that I don't have physical limitations (size-wise and fitness-wise)
2. So I can feel good about myself and feel comfortable in my body
3. To avoid health problems

other whys: stop snoring, wear cuter clothes, make my loved ones proud, professional opportunities

Things not in my life anymore

Jesus. I found myself reading old emails from many years ago and came across an email exchange my then-husband and I had. We had blown up at each other and I went to stay the night with a friend. There was so much anger on both sides. And so much FRUSTRATION. I am amazed at how I came off to him. In his eyes, I had a huge anger problem. My PMS was through the roof. I needed to be more heavily medicated. I was constantly mean to him and emotionally distant and cold.

I wonder how much of that was in his head and how much was due to having to deal with his extreme personality. And how much was from being stressed as a teacher (a job I suffered through because I was usually the main bread-winner).

It still makes me sad to think about the death of our marriage. Parts of it were beautiful. But most if it was stressful and incredibly frustrating and led me to believe that I was never good enough. God, I cried so much during those years. After reading those emails, I'm assured that we made the right decision to get a divorce. I'm feeling a lot less stressed these days. A lot happier.

I also found some emails about Transcendental Meditation. Found the receipt. We paid about 1k for it. It was one of the things that was supposed to improve my mood as well as help me with my food addiction. I didn't see any improvement in any way. I just fell asleep every time I'd go and meditate (during the classes. At home, it was hard to make myself do it.)  I decided to give it another try though. It's a lifetime membership, afterall.