So things have been swimming along. I completed 4 weeks of staying on-plan! I weighed myself and over the course of the 4 weeks, lost 3.6 pounds. I'm very happy with that number.
I had a small slip-up that I handled really well. There was a surprise Blue Bell ice cream attack at work. Blue Bell is my FAVORITE!! A coworker was leaving and that was our goodbye to her - standing around in my boss' office awkwardly making small talk and eating ice cream. I panicked when I saw the ice cream and thought, "Ok, I shouldn't deprive myself and make it weird by not eating any - I'll just eat a very small amount". Well, after I finished (scarfed down) that small amount, I was then scared about what would happen next - just stand there and feel awkward? No, I need to be eating to lessen the social anxiety! So I served myself another bowl, this time a pretty large amount. And with caramel sauce. Scarfed that down, too.
Afterward, as I walked back to my desk, I felt disappointed in myself. I never get horribly mean to myself after I "mess up" while dieting. Just this faint feeling of disappointment. More like I'm annoyed with myself. But still, I reminded myself to not beat myself up and get right back on track. I had been planning to eat at a restaurant with the BF and a friend that night. I had already pre-tracked what I was going to eat. A quick thought flashed through my mind - you already screwed up with the ice cream - you might as well go hog-wild at the restaurant. I dismissed the thought pretty quickly though. Phew. I re-configured my plan at the restaurant. I decided to skip my 2nd lunch (more on that in a bit) and I ended the day with calories to spare! I was SO proud of myself!
Yesterday was my 2nd session with James and I told him about my small victory. He was so proud of me! Yeah!! I told him my plan for the next time something like this happens is just to hide out in the bathroom. He thinks it'll work. I do, too (BF doesn't.) I'm going to let him know how it goes.
We talked about what drives me to binge. He wants to try something called EMDR with me - it's a technique that accesses the subconscious part of the brain that has experienced trauma. I told him it sounds hokey but I'm still willing to try it. I know there is something that drives me to eat that I can't put my finger on. Sometimes it's obvious, like stress or boredom. Sometimes it's not. I just know eating brings me this immediate gratification, this fake ...joy. A high, really. But it's not obvious to me why I'm always chasing this high. On the surface, I think I'm pretty happy and stress-free. So anyway... since EMDR deals with the subconscious, that might be just what I need. We're starting it next week. I also have homework - to come up with a concrete plan for how to eat while on vacation in couple of weeks.
Here's to another month of staying on track!
I had a small slip-up that I handled really well. There was a surprise Blue Bell ice cream attack at work. Blue Bell is my FAVORITE!! A coworker was leaving and that was our goodbye to her - standing around in my boss' office awkwardly making small talk and eating ice cream. I panicked when I saw the ice cream and thought, "Ok, I shouldn't deprive myself and make it weird by not eating any - I'll just eat a very small amount". Well, after I finished (scarfed down) that small amount, I was then scared about what would happen next - just stand there and feel awkward? No, I need to be eating to lessen the social anxiety! So I served myself another bowl, this time a pretty large amount. And with caramel sauce. Scarfed that down, too.
Afterward, as I walked back to my desk, I felt disappointed in myself. I never get horribly mean to myself after I "mess up" while dieting. Just this faint feeling of disappointment. More like I'm annoyed with myself. But still, I reminded myself to not beat myself up and get right back on track. I had been planning to eat at a restaurant with the BF and a friend that night. I had already pre-tracked what I was going to eat. A quick thought flashed through my mind - you already screwed up with the ice cream - you might as well go hog-wild at the restaurant. I dismissed the thought pretty quickly though. Phew. I re-configured my plan at the restaurant. I decided to skip my 2nd lunch (more on that in a bit) and I ended the day with calories to spare! I was SO proud of myself!
Yesterday was my 2nd session with James and I told him about my small victory. He was so proud of me! Yeah!! I told him my plan for the next time something like this happens is just to hide out in the bathroom. He thinks it'll work. I do, too (BF doesn't.) I'm going to let him know how it goes.
We talked about what drives me to binge. He wants to try something called EMDR with me - it's a technique that accesses the subconscious part of the brain that has experienced trauma. I told him it sounds hokey but I'm still willing to try it. I know there is something that drives me to eat that I can't put my finger on. Sometimes it's obvious, like stress or boredom. Sometimes it's not. I just know eating brings me this immediate gratification, this fake ...joy. A high, really. But it's not obvious to me why I'm always chasing this high. On the surface, I think I'm pretty happy and stress-free. So anyway... since EMDR deals with the subconscious, that might be just what I need. We're starting it next week. I also have homework - to come up with a concrete plan for how to eat while on vacation in couple of weeks.
Here's to another month of staying on track!
