Weight loss tips from 2015

I shared these on a Weight Watchers Facebook group back in 2015 after losing 106 pounds. Thought I'd put it here.

#1 Do all your planning/shopping/cooking/prepping on the weekend. It's a lot of work but I love not having to even think about what to eat (let alone having to cook it) the rest of the week.

#2 Pre-track as often as possible. When I track my breakfast, I go ahead and track exactly what I will eat for the rest of the day. I can always go back and edit if needed. Eating the same thing for a week helps make tracking easier as well.

#3 Stick to minimally processed food as much as possible. They will fill you up and make you healthier! Sure the little Weight Watchers snack bars and such are delicious but view them more as a special treat than as a staple of your diet. I try to remember to "splurge" on healthy/natural high-point items like nuts, whole grain baked goods, butter, high quality chocolate, etc.

#4 Don't allow negative thoughts to live in your mind. When they come, reframe them immediately as something positive. "Ughhh... I don't FEEL like working out today!" becomes "I'm so lucky to be able to move my body." or "I always feel great after excercising." I even sort of "lie" to myself in hopes that I'll start to believe it. I think things like "I love to move!" and "Resisting junk food is easy for me!"

#5 Remind yourself often of this: Slow and steady wins the race. Actually "steady" should be replaced with "having ups and downs but overall, moving in the right direction". And "race" should be replaced with "life long journey". This journey requires patience and kindness towards yourself. How you react after slip ups is VITALLY important. Forgive yourself and start fresh (It doesn't have to be the next week or day! It can be the next meal or better yet, the next bite!)

#6 Surround yourself with inspiration. Make a dream boards. Hang positive quotes everywhere. Talk about your journey so others can encourage you. Read blogs. Visit message boards. Browse health magazines and books, the Weight Watchers website, Pinterest, etc. Make a list of your reasons why you are losing weight and review often.

#7 Stop watching TV.  Less couch time and no TV commercials - I still watch shows on DVD but I think the lessened exposure to ads for junk food is a huge deal!

A message to my boyfriend about my weight issues

Thought this would be worth putting here.

Tue, Feb 26, 2019 5:47 PM

Hey babe,

I have a lot to talk about and I wanted to send an email where I could carefully consider my words. You have some experience with my on/off dieting but you don't know the extent of my problems with my weight and food relationship.  I just wanted to make these issues known and communicate to you the importance of me doing something about them.

I've been overweight all my life. I struggle with it in a way that I wouldn't expect you to understand.  I won't go into every little detail but I'll just say I think I have an undiagnosed binge eating disorder. I don't know how to fix it without therapy. Maybe if I have health insurance someday that would make it affordable, I will take advantage.  But so far I've just read self-help books and for a long time leaned on Weight Watchers. I've seriously considered surgical solutions (which I think would just be a band-aid).  I even tried Over-eaters Anonymous for a while. I know how to lose weight and how I should eat.  I just struggle with making myself do it. I truly feel addicted. My weight has gone up and down since I was about 12 years old. If I'm not actively trying to lose weight or eat healthy with a plan, I gain and gain.

Anyway, lately I've just been consumed with negative thoughts about my body and my weight and my out-of-control feelings around food.  I'm mad about how I'm gaining back all the weight I fought so hard to lose in 2015-ish.  It makes me feel really scared because I don't want to end up a different looking person than who you met. That just feels wrong to me. It's not fair to you.  I know everyone has their own standards of attractiveness. I don't think it's shallow.  I used to think it was - that a significant other should love you no matter how you look, but I've changed my attitude on that. And besides, my weight affects our relationship (or will affect it eventually) in other ways.  My snoring, for example.  For those reasons and for many, many others, it's just become really important to me to get serious about getting healthy.

I read a book that gave me some strategies to deal with the binge eating and I'm going to combine it with calorie tracking.  I'm going to treat it with the seriousness of having very serious food allergies. There will just be some foods I can't let myself eat anymore.  And there will be situations where I can't enjoy it like the binge-eating me would like. We're going to have to eat out a lot less and go out drinking a lot less.  We can still cook together but it will have to be healthy stuff. I'll still go out for important occasions and just try to inconspicuously not partake of food/drink or do it in very small amounts.

I know this will suck for you.  Eating out is fun.  Drinking is fun.  I'm sorry to have to do this. But it won't be fun for me to have gained 40 pounds by this time next year.  It won't be fun to feel depressed and start having physical/health issues.

The stuff we have planned this weekend - I still want to go.  I will just eat healthy beforehand and when there maybe eat/drink a few carefully thought-out things that will still fit into my calorie allowance.

Ugh.  I hope all of this make at least some sense.  I wanted to be honest.  I want to ask for your help. I love you and I hope all this isn't too much for you.

-Your (now low-fat) cupcake

Some new affirmations

The only way to fail is to not get back up.
Every slip-up is an opportunity to learn.
I don't have to be perfect.
I am taking full responsibility for what I put in my mouth.
I don't HAVE to give in to my urges. I can observe them and release them and not give them power.
Food has no power over me.
I'm letting go of the unhelpful habits and thinking I've done for so long.
I am patient. I will get healthy slowly.
I don't have to be miserable to be successful.
There is never a good excuse to abuse food. Bad things happen. Food isn't a solution.
I can handle feeling uncomfortable emotions. I'm strong enough.
I love myself just the way I am.
I appreciate my body and everything it does for me.
I am making progress each and every day.
I deserve love and kindness, no matter what I look like or how I've messed up.
There's no finish line and I'm okay with that.
I can do difficult things.
Free food always comes with a not-so-obvious price.
When I'm fed up with life, I don't "deserve" food - I deserve relaxation and self-care.
I'm not a dog. I don't use food as a reward.
I don't have to let negative thoughts affect me.

My plan for eating during my vacation in the Smoky Mountains:

1. I won't count calories but will log everything I eat on my phone (notes app).

2. I'll eat as healthy as possible EXCEPT for dinner on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.

3. I'll take healthy snacks for the road.

4. I'll buy healthy groceries to keep in the condo and to take on hikes.

2nd lunch

I realized I forgot to go into my "2nd lunch" situation. Yeah, so apparently I'm a hobbit. As I mentioned previously, the first few weeks of eating within 1840 calories a day, I noticed I was getting extremely hungry by about 4-5 pm regardless of eating a substantial, protein heavy snack. My solution to this was that instead of eating lunch and a large snack, I would just eat 2 lunches. One at noon and one at 3:30.  It was working for about a while, but the past couple days I have been feeling ravenous all day. I don't think the Jimmy Dean light breakfast sandwich (with a banana) in the morning is cutting it.  So goodbye to that.

I'm wondering if the meals I'm eating on the weekend are too large and not allowing my stomach to "shrink down" to where it doesn't need as much to feel full. So I'll try being mindful of that on the weekend.

Yeah - the hunger... not a good situation. I'm fearing it might cause me to binge. Yesterday, I had that restless, maybe-I-should-just-go-eat feeling. I was stressed at work. My stomach was growling. I started feeling resentful of my "diet". I didn't come close to giving in but I'm worried about the fact that those thoughts ran through my mind.

Not sure what to do. I eat pretty healthy foods for my 1840 calories. Fruits and vegetables, whole grains mostly, lean proteins, reduced fat cheeses and greek yogurt.  Here's a sample of what I eat in a day:

I guess I could see maybe cutting back on fruit in favor of something with protein. I don't want to cut out coffee (and I have to have creamer with it). The Lean Cuisine meals probably aren't the best choice but I love the convenience. I know this has to be something sustainable and not something I'm gritting my teeth through. I read recently that oatmeal is a very filling food but I kind of hate it, unless it's the apple cinnamon instant kind, which I don't think serves the same purpose. Anyway, I'm not going to force-feed myself foods I hate. Or cut out too many of the things I like or need (like coffee). So that's the problem I need to solve - walking the line between healthy/filling and mentally satisfying/delicious/works with my lifestyle.

A slip-up and a victory

So things have been swimming along. I completed 4 weeks of staying on-plan! I weighed myself and over the course of the 4 weeks, lost 3.6 pounds. I'm very happy with that number.

I had a small slip-up that I handled really well. There was a surprise Blue Bell ice cream attack at work. Blue Bell is my FAVORITE!! A coworker was leaving and that was our goodbye to her - standing around in my boss' office awkwardly making small talk and eating ice cream. I panicked when I saw the ice cream and thought, "Ok, I shouldn't deprive myself and make it weird by not eating any - I'll just eat a very small amount".  Well, after I finished (scarfed down) that small amount, I was then scared about what would happen next - just stand there and feel awkward? No, I need to be eating to lessen the social anxiety! So I served myself another bowl, this time a pretty large amount. And with caramel sauce. Scarfed that down, too.

Afterward, as I walked back to my desk, I felt disappointed in myself. I never get horribly mean to myself after I "mess up" while dieting. Just this faint feeling of disappointment.  More like I'm annoyed with myself.  But still, I reminded myself to not beat myself up and get right back on track. I had been planning to eat at a restaurant with the BF and a friend that night. I had already pre-tracked what I was going to eat. A quick thought flashed through my mind - you already screwed up with the ice cream - you might as well go hog-wild at the restaurant. I dismissed the thought pretty quickly though. Phew. I re-configured my plan at the restaurant. I decided to skip my 2nd lunch (more on that in a bit) and I ended the day with calories to spare!  I was SO proud of myself!

Yesterday was my 2nd session with James and I told him about my small victory. He was so proud of me! Yeah!! I told him my plan for the next time something like this happens is just to hide out in the bathroom. He thinks it'll work. I do, too (BF doesn't.)  I'm going to let him know how it goes.

We talked about what drives me to binge. He wants to try something called EMDR with me - it's a technique that accesses the subconscious part of the brain that has experienced trauma. I told him it sounds hokey but I'm still willing to try it. I know there is something that drives me to eat that I can't put my finger on. Sometimes it's obvious, like stress or boredom. Sometimes it's not. I just know eating brings me this immediate gratification, this fake ...joy. A high, really. But it's not obvious to me why I'm always chasing this high. On the surface, I think I'm pretty happy and stress-free. So anyway... since EMDR deals with the subconscious, that might be just what I need.  We're starting it next week.  I also have homework - to come up with a concrete plan for how to eat while on vacation in couple of weeks.

Here's to another month of staying on track!